where to go from here?

With only 2 1/2 months left on mat leave, it is time to start thinking about what I'm going to be when I grow up. I do not want to return to Herbal Magic, I want to work for a company that appreciates me. After 9 months away from there, you almost forget how bad it was getting, until you start to talk about it with former co-workers and it all comes screaming back!

I used to love my job at Herbal Magic, back before I had Ashton, it was the best job I'd ever had. I had great co-workers, and alright boss and the owners treated us with respect and rewarded us for our efforts. Things have changed. Right before I left there, a new owner took over. He seemed alright at the time but as time went by, I began to learn things are not always what they seem. As my first maternity leave with Ashton neared an end, I was approached by my former supervisor to take over as manager of the Brandon clinic, at the time, it was the biggest clinic in all of Canada, it would be a big responsibility but I knew I could do it. I accepted the position and for the next 2 years, I was the boss, or so I thought.

A lot of changes have occured since I took that position, and not changes for the better. I went through 2 different supervisors, both of which thought scare tactics and empty threats were the way to motivate us to do a better job. They refused to believe that the economy and competition were reasons for our decline in sales. I kept the clinic at relatively the same sales and client count the whole 2 years I was there, some ups and downs, but for the most part, it was there. It was a challenge, but I loved it.

Last summer, I was written up for not hitting my sales quotas. Something I don't believe is fair because there is really no way to force people to spend their money. My job was to help people lose weight and as time went on, it became more about the money than my clients, not something I was happy about. I recieved this "corrective action" as they called it, the day before I went on holidays in August. It was a good thing and a bad thing at the same time. I was mad that they would send me on holidays after that but I was also happy to have the week away from there to just have a break!

At the end of this holiday week, I found out I was pregnant. I couldn't be happier, this meant that I only have 8 more months that I'd have to deal with this before I was out of there for a year!! It made going back after holidays a little easier, mentally anyway. As the physical aspects of pregnancy started to kick in, it made my job more and more difficult. The girls I worked with directly, the ones I call my friends, knew about my pregnancy at this time but I was not ready to tell my supervisor or other bosses. Therefore, I was still being treated very poorly and was finding it harder and harder to keep up with the expectations they had of me (which I have now come to realize were unrealistic and will never be met by ANYONE, but that's another story).

As the next few months passed, I took a second paycut, now making this once great paying job, hardly worth the trouble. With Christmas people were just not spending money the way they used to and the New Year fell short of expectations for the company. I was now making less than my staff, barely more than minimum wage, and still all the same expectations. On top of my 45 hour weeks that were already manditory, I was expected to work more hours of overtime and of course, not get paid for them because I was on salary. My assistant was off sick for a month so it was all on me. At this time I decided to step down as manager. I figured out that I'd be making more money as a regular staff member, so I made the move.

The next 2 months were terrible. Not a day went by that I didn't think about stress leave! Finally at the end of March, I'd had enough and I decided to start my mat leave sooner than originally planned. I was lectured that I didn't give enough notice, eventhough they'd known since October that I was leaving in April and had decided not to hire a new manager, so really, that isn't not my problem!

Now I sit here, with 2 1/2 months left and wonder what I will do with my life. The job I once loved is no longer there, and I don't think it ever will be. It's scary to think about starting your business life over at 30 but it has to be done. There are things I'm interested in but not sure I could do it. I also have a family now that I need to be my priority. I don't want to work a job that requires me to be away from them all the time. Staying home is not an option. Both financially and personally. I do love spending time with my kids but I'm just not stay-at-home-mom material. I have such appreciation for moms who stay home with their children all the time. It is a hard job! Ideally I would love to find a job I love and do it part time, that way I'd still have lots of time with my boys but I'd still have something just for me. In a perfect world, I will find that job, it may not be right away but soon. Even though 30 may seem old, it still means I have 35 years left to work so it would be nice to enjoy my job right?

There is more I wanted to add to this but I think it's long enough, I'll have to save my other news for the next blog. The next time I have 15 minutes to myself to actually write about it.