boo

I think I have officially failed at blogtober. I missed Monday and Tuesday, not even because I wanted to, but because I just don't have a very exciting life. Sorry :(

Halloween Dance

On Saturday we had Thanksgiving with my family as my mom was working the last couple weekends. It was really nice to go home as it had been a long time since we'd been to Austin.

Saturday night we all got dressed up and went to the Halloween Dance in town. There were not a lot of people there but the kids had a blast! Brayden was the life of the party and even won first prize in the costume judging for kids 12 and under. By that time he didn't know what was going on, he was so tired because from the minute we got there, he ran back and forth, back and forth across the floor. I am not sure where my boys learned to dance but they sure had some interesting moves. I think it might be a form of break dancing but I'm not sure.

We partied long into the night, well, it was about 11pm, which for boys that normally go to bed at 7:30, that is long into the night. They had a great time, it was really fun to see. My parents even won a prize for the best couple costumes. I love that we can still get them into costumes and have a good time.

I will have to add a picture to this when I get them onto the computer.

Oct 22

Just playing catch up because I didn't get on the computer at all this weekend.

Saturday morning I went into work for about an hour to have some papers signed for my first actual loan! It wasn't a mortgage, it was a car loan but it was exciting for me none the less! This was the first customer I dealt with when I started here and 2 months later, he is VERY happy with my service. It is a good sign that I've had that impact on my only client! Hopefully it's a sign of good things to come.

seriously

What is up with this Jackhammer outside my office window. Nice of you to fix the step but did you really need to do it on a Friday? The busiest banking day. Glad I don't have any appointments in my office today. I had to call a client from a stock room on the other side of the building so I could hear what he was saying! All I have to say is that I think I will appreciate the noise level of my children when I go home tonight!

Oct 20

Yesterday went pretty well with my realtor, today I am seeing 2 more. Hopefully I can begin to build this business and the money will start rolling in cause I'm sure thinking about how to spend it, I mean invest it. :)

taking the plunge

Today is my first realtor interview. I am very nervous. I do know this realtor as she was actually a client of mine at Herbal Magic so that makes it a little bit easier but at the same time, she is a bit scatter-brained and it is hard to get her to sit still for a 5 minutes so it could be interesting. I chose to sit with her because she is very successful and she is someone I'd have no problem refering my clients back to because I know she puts the client first! That is important to me. I am all about customer service!

Keeping my fingers crossed!

Toronto Bound

Looks like another trip to the big city is in my future. I am off to Toronto again the second week of November. There was some confusion as to what I need to be "qualified" for my position and the first course I took was not enough so I am off again.

I am less than excited this time. The first time it was exciting going away but now that I have been there, and been to Winnipeg twice for a week in total, I'm ok with staying home. The worst part is, I when I go, I don't get to stay at right at the learning facility like I did last time. I have to stay at the 4 season hotel which will mean a 20 - 30 minute cab ride to and from class every day, meaning I have to pay for 2 cab rides everyday (which I will be reimbursed for but I still have to dish it out up front!) and I will have to go to a restaurant and order and pay for my meals everyday (again, reimbursed but still a pain in the butt). I also won't be able to do any of the activities that go on in the gym each night as I will have to head back to my hotel after class. I am hoping I can get on a waiting list for a room at the training facility and maybe, just maybe, I can get in there and save myself so much of a hassel.

Jason wasn't too keen on the idea of me having to go either. That is his first week back to work after completing his school. It's one thing for me to be gone 2 nights to Winnipeg but now we have to take the day to drive to Winnipeg to go to the airport, then he has 5 nights alone and then another trip to Winnipeg after work on the Friday to come pick me up from the airport. I feel bad this time around. The first time I didn't. :)

Keeping my fingers crossed I can get in at the learning facility and then it'll be a great trip!

Oct 16

Wow, feels good to be working hard today. I finally have a bit to do at work. Nothing thats making me money right now but it is to set up for the future!

I have actually kept busy all day today, and not studying. It's great. I am anxious to get into my role and meet some people I will be able to work with. I have 2 appointments set up for this week and plan to get working on a few more! Time to step outside my comfort zone and get this show on the road!

Oct 16

Cheating, was busy with other stuff yesterday so didn't write

Oct 15

Wow, that was quite the adventure.

I now know that a builders gala is as exciting as I thought it would be but we had a good time anyway. A live band which strongly resembled a high school jazz band from the class of 1960. Not a lot of music options. Very interesting.

The meal was good, not really to my taste for the most part. Have you ever eaten sweet pototo and pumpkin soup with sour cream and a pastry of some sort in it? I can't say I have either but that started it off.

Finally after an attempt to dance the night away to some very undanceable music, we headed back to the hotel. One of the mortgage specialists from Winnipeg gave myself and my boss (who is out from Calgary) a ride back. My boss wanted to go in for a night cap (like we needed anymore) but the lounge in the hotel was closed. The other MS took us to, what we thought was another lounge, just behind the hotel that his friend owned. Turns out its a bar of some sort. VERY loud. I have a cold and had pretty much lost my voice by that time so it was hard to talk. Our boss was trying to convince us that it was a gay bar. We did start to wonder as there were a lot of girls there but very few of the guys were near them, the guys were gravitating to each other.

2am, bar is closing, wow, been a long time since I did that! Good night overall. Now time to get my stuff packed up and head back home. I do miss all my boys. Going out on the town like that reminds me why I'm not living the single life and why I am happy I have a family! Fun to do it once and awhile but definitely not my scene!

Oct. 14

don't know if I will get internet access again today so on my phone again.

Meetings today again and an awards gala tonight. Sounds like it is going to quite the party. As much as love staying in hotels, I m looking forward to going home tomorrow.

oops

missed another day, at a trade show all day, can we say exciting! then worked with my boss til late. no computer access, typing this on my blackberry!

Oct 12

Don't you hate when you go to pay your liscense and they tell you that you need a picture? That's what happened to me this morning. My liscense is due tomorrow and as always, I waited until the last minute to go pay for it. Kids in tow, thought it would just be a couple minutes but then I needed a photo, and why can't you smile? I don't get it!

Seriously nothing to say today :)

Oct 11

Wow, I'm not very exciting. The highlight of my day today is that I have 2 phone appointments, not with clients, but I'm still excited about having something to do.

The first call is with one of the guys I met in Toronto when I went for training. He is from Chiliwack BC. We have kept in touch and are trading business ideas.

The second call is with my coach, who also happens to be from BC as well. We will just be doing some training.

This week will be busy. I have to get groceries on my lunch break today. Ashton has skating lessons after work tonight. Tomorrow morning, Brayden and I have family circle, then I have to come to work for awhile, get a spray tan at some point, then Brayden has a dr. app't in the afternoon. I play volleyball at 7pm and then I have to head to Wpg. Oh right, I need to pack somewhere in there too.

Thursday, I will be at the Victoria Inn Airport west doing a realtor trade show with the other mortgage specialists from Winnipeg. Don't get too excited for me! Then Friday, I'll have some one on one time with my boss so I can do some more training, then in the evening, we will be attending the Manitoba Builders awards gala. (and you got excited about the realtor trade show!!! Just imagine this one!) Truthfully, I am a bit excited about this gala mainly because I have to get really dressed up. I borrowed a really cute dress from a friend so it didn't cost me anything! (this event is the reason for my spray tan too). It will be a fun filled evening.

Lucky enough, I got a much better hotel this time. I'll be staying at the Fairmont downtown. It's supposed to be pretty classy so I'm looking forward to it. I just hope the gym equipement works at least!

Then Saturday morning I'll be heading home and possibly taking the kids to the pumpkin patch at Oak lake.

I like being busy. I was rather bored this weekend. Guess I had more to say than I thought :)

Oct. 10th

Nothing to say today. Wanted to take the kids to the pumpkin patch today but it is raining so I guess we will hopefully go next weekend!

the next Sidney Crosby

I may have discovered a superstar today.

Jason's sister and family are out for Thanksgiving and she wanted to take the kids skating this morning because her daughter, who is 4 months younger than Ashton, was not happy at skating lessons last week, and she hoped that if she saw Ashton skating and having fun that she'd want to do it by herself too.

We decided as we were getting ready that we might as well grab the old skates we'd bought Ashton was he was little and let Brayden try. They are just plastic skates and they've been sitting in the basement unused for 2 years or so, kind of rusty but we figured he'd only try for like 5 minutes anyway. We only have one hockey helmet so Ashton's bike helmet was the solution for Brayden.

We get to the rink and I was having trouble getting mitts on  Brayden, he didn't want to wear them. I didn't force him because I figured I'd be holding his hands the whole time but when we got out on the ice, he wanted to it by himself. He stood by himself for a long time. Even tried to actually skate. When he fell, he laughed and he wouldn't even let me help him get up. He wanted to do it by himself. Probably because for the last week we've been praising Ashton for getting up on his own. He had no mitts on, and he had his hands on the ice pushing himself up on his skates, he'd fall, but he just kept trying.

We were really impressed since the skates were so rusty on the bottom and really needed sharpened. We weren't going to bother trying skating with him because we tried with Ashton when he was that age and he didn't like it. Brayden is another story. He might be the next Sid the Kid. He's only 17 months old and we have the whole winter ahead of us to teach him. Funny how different 2 brothers can be when it comes to personality. I'm sure it's because he sees his big brother and wants to do everything he does.

I guess we'll have to sharpen up those skates and keep on trying, maybe he'll be flying around on his own by the end of the season.

family picture

I'm cheating today, just posting a picture

Skating lessons

Ashton started skating lessons this week. He is a tough kid to do anything with because if he doesn't feel like doing it at that moment, he is rather difficult to deal with. I'm always nervous about signing him up for things like this because it's a lot of money if he desides he isn't going to do it.

Tuesday went ok, but after about 15 minutes, he came off the ice crying. This didn't surprise me as that's is what he always does when we take him. He said his feet hurt. We begin to think maybe his skates are too small. We bought them last year and not thinking that if he grew 3 inches this year, maybe his feet grew too. On top of that, Jason had put socks that were too thick on him and tied the skates too tight. I loosened his laces and sent him back out. He made it through the rest of the lesson and we bought him a slurpee.

Thursday, he said he decided he didn't want to go, he would rather go the next day. How do you explain to a 4 year old that things are scheduled and I have no control over when they are on! We finally convinced him to go. Bribery works great. We asked him what he wanted for a treat if he stayed on the ice the whole time, he said a sucker. Easy enough. We had planned to look for new skates for him but didn't have time on Wednesday so I put thinner socks on him. He was doing great, then he fell, I think he landed on the same bruise on his knee that he'd gotten the previous time and he tried to come off the ice. The coach brought him to the door and I convinced him to stay on longer. He stayed out the rest of the time. I was so proud of him! He had a big smile on his face the whole time. He made such progress even from the last day. He is able to get up on his own now, he walked in a circle (like a spin) bending over picking stuff up, all things he couldn't do before. He hardly even fell down.

I hope that he'll be excited to go now. This is why I had kids, to be able to go out and do things like this. Might even have to get back into the coaching next year.

work

Wow, when you try to blog everyday, you sure realize how boring your life really is, thanks for that eye opener Tif. lol :)

Been very anxious lately. I think it's work related. Don't get me wrong, I love my new job, but I'm in an awkward stage right now. My job is an independent position. I am the only mortgage specialist for BMO in Brandon, therefore, job shadowing isn't an option. I have taken my courses, I have done many conference calls, I've talked to my coach (the person who helps me with anything I don't know) and now I'm done with "training" but I still have SO much I don't know. I have so much support and can ask questions to a lot of people but one of the other new MS's put into perfect words, "I don't know what I don't know", therefore, I have no questions to ask.

I would love to go out and get some business as I only have 4 more months of (crappy) base pay, then I'm on full commission. Scary! If I don't have business, I don't have a paycheck! You can now see why I'd be anxious. I am excited to go out and meet people and I know I have help to put the loans together and make sure it's done right but when I'm with a customer, I have to have some answers or why would they want to deal with me? It's all about credibility. I have to give a good impression so these people will pass my name onto their friends, that's the who idea. I need to develop a referal system where I don't have to put in so much effort, where they come to me. I have no doubt that I will do a good job for anyone but some people have patience for new people and some do not. I don't want to get a bad name by approaching people to soon. If I don't know enough or at least a little about what they want to know, I'm not going to look good, whether I'm new or not.

This is my dilemma. Do I make an attempt to go out and network when I clearly won't be able to answer the questions my customers or realtors will have, or so I continue to sit at my desk and read until I absorb all the info I see and continue to search out other things I don't know that I don't know?

I am really going to love everything about this job, just struggling a bit to get started. I knew that would be the case, but reality is a tough pill to swallow sometimes. Hopefully I can find some friends/family that will recommend me so I can get a few things on the go.

family circle

I love the flexibility of my new job. I spent the morning with Brayden at our first session of family circle. It's a little group where (mostly) mom's bring their kids under 2 and we do nursery rhymes and songs. I started going to this when Ashton was 2 months old and I took him until he was 2 and then started taking Brayden when he was a baby. This is our first session since he turned 1 so it's a very different experience. He was fasinated with the songs. In between each rhyme, he would run away from me and head for the door but as soon as we'd start singing, he bolted back and sat on my knee and listened intently. It was so cute. It's a 9 week session, every Wednesday morning for 45 minutes.

I am glad I had the opportunity to spend this time with him. That is a big reason I took this job. Flexibility for family time.

rough night

What is wrong with my baby? He is a pretty good kid most times, but has been waking up at night a lot again lately, he's up more nights then not. Usually he wakes up crying and all I hear is "mama" thru the sobbing. I normally get up with him because I don't want him waking up the rest of the household. I go pick him up, the crying stops, we sit on the couch for 2 minutes, he falls back to sleep, I put him back to bed and he's usually out for the night.

Last night, however, he work up crying 3 times between 9pm and 6am. I got up with him the first 2 times, the third time, my brain could not convince my body I needed to get out of bed. I just layed there and listened to him cry. Eventually he went to sleep again.

I know that I need to let him cry sometimes but I feel so bad listening to him "mama, mama" thru the tears. I don't know what is causing this. Ashton never gets up at night, with the odd exception to go pee now, but not when he was a baby. The poor kid is pretty sick, he has a terrible cold, that's half the reason that I get up with him, I feel bad when he cries and then he coughs more and then there's more snot. It might be that his teeth are sore. He is 17 months old and only has 6 teeth! His gums are swollen and he's drooly but that could be from being sick too.

I also have a new concern that hit me this morning, maybe he's scared of the dark now. I think of this because this morning, I was down the hall from his room in the bathroom and he had woken up and was chatting and as soon as I turned out the bathroom light (which was shinning in his room a little), he started to cry. I am thinking of getting a night lite for him and see if that helps. This may not be the case, but I am exhausted from getting up every night so I need to try something.

It's weird because Jason says he doesn't wake up when I'm not there. I have been away for work a few nights here and there and Brayden sleeps all night. I don't know if that is really the case or if Jason just doesn't hear him. How can you not hear him? His room is right next to ours.

I will continue to search for a solution. Maybe just let him cry it out . . .

Oct 3

Since I had to pretend the blog I did early this morning was for yesterday so I don't fail Blogtober already, here is my real Monday entry. :)

I do have a lot to talk about but I should really be working right now so I will try to keep it short. I have been feeling really crummy lately. Since going on holidays Aug. long weekend, I have gained 8 lbs! ouch! There were a lot of changes in my life at that time, starting a new job with a new routine didn't help matters. I thought I'd be back on track by now, but 2 months later, I am still over 140 and not happy about it.

This weekend I decided to start making a little bit better attempt. I managed to get in 2 runs. I was tired of running the same old route, so I drove down to the north end of town to do some of the massive hills here in Brandon. I have been wanting to try and run up these hill for sometime but I find it silly to drive somewhere to go for a run, but I needed something different so that's what I did.

I was really proud of myself. I made it up the big hill on 18th street, the one that goes past Walmart. It was actually really easy. Then I ran down the big hill on 1st street, which was also easy because it was down. I need to go up that one next time. Then I threw in the big hill that runs by the sportsplex at the end of my run. That was a challenge. I was already feeling my quads seize up when I got there but I was feeling it in my butt which means I was working the area that I want to work. Normally I don't feel it in my butt so I was happy. The total run was about 6 km.

Sunday, I was hurting but I know that if I just get out there and do it again, I would probably be less stiff. I wanted to try running up and over the 18th street bridge this time. The one that goes over the tracks heading into town, so I drove to the corral center and parked there, and off I went. I was being a bit of a wimp because I could have parked on the other side of the tracks, closer to my house and had that hill at the end of my run but I figured since I was already stiff, I wanted to loosen up my muscles before I tried it but not be doing it at the end when I was starting to feel sore again. Well, I ran up that hill without even slowing down and my heart wasn't racing when I reached the top. It was actually easy. Again, pretty happy. My final distance was about 4 miles.

I know it's not what I was doing earlier this summer, but I did feel better just to get out there and get in a couple runs. I know if I can just start running at least 4 times/week, I will be ok and won't have so much work to do come spring. Now, if I can only stick to that plan.

failed already

Well, that's not such a great way to start. I woke up this morning and realized it was Oct 3, that means I missed a day already. Starting on a weekend is not good for me. I am hardly on the computer and I don't have any concept of time or day! Not that I missed a day, I can see me not doing well at this because next time I 'almost' forget to blog, I will just think "oh well, I missed oct. 2nd already . . " that's a terrible mentality but that's me!

So let's pretend this is oct 2nd blog as it is still oct 2 somewhere . . .

Challenge accepted

Well Tif, this one's for you. I will make my best attempt to write everyday this month on my blog but that might be a little complicated as I will be away at times and may not have access to a computer. Might have to figure it out on my blackberry.

Anyway, not going to actually write anything right now. Just had to make my attempt to get this started off right. Almost forgot about it already, didn't realize it was October already.

new routine

Last week was a mess. We are in desparate need of some routine around here again. I felt like I was running around like a chicken with my head cut off.

I started back to work last Monday, 6:45 am. We are down to one vehicle right now and I would like to avoid re-registering our other car until we get caught up on some stuff from when I was off work so I decided that I would ride my bike to work and home for lunch, then take the car back after lunch so I could pick the kids up at daycare, which also leaves the vehicle for Jason to take them to daycare. This should be easy enough right? I don't live that far from work, I clocked it out at just over a mile.

Well, last weekend, as you all will remember, we had a huge snow storm! HUGE, this means, not riding my bike, as there was just no way that would work. I did get a ride on Monday morning because I didn't want to walk in that snow that early in the am either. I walked home at lunch, which I really don't mind, except that it takes 20 minutes at a super speed walk to get home and that takes a lot of time away from my hour lunch.

Monday night was an at home night but the boys were a little upset that they had been in daycare all day and they were clinging to me and whinning all night so it wasn't a fun night by any means. Tuesday, I worked til 7:15, came home, got the kids to bed, then I had to go grocerie shopping. It was 10% (which now is 15% if you spend enough money) Tuesday at Sobey's. I don't do all my shopping there. Superstore is still cheaper but I go the first Tuesday of every month to get my meat (as I'm a bit nervous to eat meat from Superstore). By the time I got home, it was after 9. Wednesday, work til 5:15, Jason was off at 5. He picked the boys up at daycare, then picked me up at work, we rushed home to change, a quick drive thru Burger King for some supper to eat in the car on the way to Ashton's soccer which starts at 6. That did not go well, Ashton didn't want to participate, so I had to hold his hand and do things with him just to try and get him involved. Soccer over at 7, straight to Jason's ball game. We were only there a short time and left because the boys needed a bath and to get to bed. Jason would have to walk home from ball. Thursday, I worked until 6:45, got picked up by a friend and straight to soccer practice at 7. Friday work til 3:45, run errands for soccer before picking the boys up from daycare and ready to start our busy weekend.

This week may not have been so bad but did I mention that Sunday night, both kids decided they weren't going to sleep at night anymore? Brayden is teething and has a terrible cold and eye infection and I really don't know what was up with Ashton, but I was up every 2 hours for the first 3 days. On top of it all, I had the worst cold, which I actually think was a sinus infection and I felt like I'd been hit by a truck. It hurt to touch my skin. But a mom's work is never done!

Between all this, I had to plan and shop for, Brayden's 1st birthday party that we had coming on Saturday and to make matters worse, we had family staying with us for the weekend too so I had to get the basement bedroom cleaned, just adding to my chore list.

I am hoping this week goes better. I do feel better and the boys are sleeping again now so with just that, things are looking up.

how much should one put up with?

Last week was my first week back to work and much to my dismay, it was at Herbal Magic. I tried to have an open mind as they have changed the hours, we are only open late (til 7) 2 days/week and only open 4 hours on Saturday. Plus the potention to make more money is there which helps too. I kept hearing about all these changes that had happened and how much better it was now. A couple hours into my first shift, I realized that this was not true.

Nothing that I worked so hard on to organize before leaving is being done anymore. I put a lot of time and energy into making things run smoothly, all the while being yelled at on a daily basis that nothing was good enough. Now I go in and the manager is lazy as heck and the other 2 want to quit because she's a total dictator. On top of that, by Thursday, the same old phone calls from the supervisor giving us heck for not having a good sales day. That was the icing on the cake that I am, not matter how much money I may make there, done. I know that saying that requires finding another job but at the same time, I have made that decision that when I do come across another opportunity comes along in which I can make enough money to live, even if it's less than I will make at HM, I am out of there!

The hunt continues . . .

soccer practice

Ashton had his first soccer practice this morning. It was supposed to be outside, but with the weather, they moved it to the indoor soccer pitch at the keystone center.

I knew it would be funny to watch a bunch of 3 and 4 year olds run around and attempt to play soccer, but I didn't realized how cute it would be! Very funny. They sure drive those kids hard on the first day. I'm not sure how I'd do it differently but there was a lot of skill teaching that was a little over the heads of these small kids. but still, really cute.

Ashton was so proud of himself in his little shin guards and his new jersey. He thought it was pretty cool that it said Tim Horton's on it. "look at me" he says to his dad.

He had mixed feelings about it. They first got all 4 teams of kids, probably about 7 - 10 kids/team into a big circle and tried to have them dribble the ball. They had to stop the ball by putting their foot on it and then he got them to put various other body parts on the ball. The cutest was their heads, lots of little bums in the air! lol Ashton was not fond of this drill. He came over to us and said he didn't feel well. He is a little on the sick side, he has a terrible cold. We debated on staying home but I'm one of those that doesn't like their kid to miss fun stuff, so I risk the health of all others involved so he doesn't miss out.

The next drill was kicking. This is the part that he wanted to do. All of a sudden, he felt fine. He ran over to his team to do some kicking. He even managed to cut in line. He was very subtle. Just moved up one kid at a time. We left it for the first couple kids, then Jason went and told him to wait his turn. He did very well after that.

It was time for the game now. All the kids were minnows and the guy in the middle was a shark who was going to try and steal their ball while they tried to cross from one end to the other while dribbling their ball, to learn control. If they got their ball taken away, they became a shark in the next round. As soon as the man said go, Ashton was on the move, he ran as fast as his little legs could go and the whole time, keeping his eye on that shark. He made it across a couple times and then he got his ball taken and became a shark. I thought he'd love that and would be chasing the other kids and growling at them but he instead decided he didn't feel well again.

That was the last activity for the day. Their first official game is on Monday. I think he did well for his first organized activity. He's an outgoing kid but has never been in this kind of situation. He wasn't the only kid running to mom and dad though. It's to be expected when they are that age.

tax man

We finally did our taxes last night. Kind of last minute, well, not last minute, that would be like doing them Saturday right?

Normally I am very anxious to do my taxes as I generally get back a pretty good refund. Being the little saver that I am (or at least was when I had money to save), I'd buy something a bit extravagant (I can't spell worth a darn anymore) and then put the other half or so into savings. This year, I kind of thought it would be a different story. I have been told that people on mat leave don't normally get enough deducted so I wasn't thinking big refund this year. I was actually thinking that with how things have been going in my life the last few weeks, that I'd end up owing them thousands of dollars that I really don't know where it would come from.

Time to face the music. After all is said and done, we got some money back, nothing huge, at least not compared to usual so I was very relieved. Sad part is, there will be no extravagant gifts for us this year. I will likely use this money as my first payment to daycare when the kids head back full time. That will pretty well take care of it all. At least that's money I don't have to come up with now. Maybe things are going to turn around.

back to square one

I recieved a phone call this morning from the girl who took Crosby for the weekend. He bit her while she was trying to brush him. She didn't seem terribly bothered, was mainly calling to make sure he was up to date on his shots. I assured her he was. She said she still wanted to try things out the rest of the weekend.

I felt better after this call. 2 reasons, she was brushing him, that shows me she is as nice as I hoped and wants to take care of him, I can not remember the last time I brushed him! I know that is terrible. The second reason, she seems to be willing to work with his flaw, if that is a good word for it. I started to think this might be it, he might not be our dog anymore. It was something I was starting to accept. I was enjoying not worrying about him when we arrived home from somewhere. I was able to just put Brayden down and not be afraid he'd grab Crosby and get bitten. It was still going to be hard to make it official but, I was coming to terms with the possibility.

That all changed with a phone call at 9pm. It was this girl again. He has bitten someone else in her family. I asked if she wanted me to come and pick him up. She said that I could because the people she was living with at this time were concerned. I promptly jumped in the car and headed across town. My stomach again in knots which seems to be the way it likes to be lately. I don't know if it's because I felt bad, or because I feel we may never find him a good home or what it might be, but I felt crappy.

When I got there, he was in his kennel. I carried the kennel to the car, sat it on the passengers seat and got in. I opened the door thinking he'd be excited to see me. He came out and sat on my lap (which I normally don't let him, this was a special circumstance), but he wouldn't look at me. He just sat there. When we got home, I put him in the house and he walked right past Jason sitting on the couch. I thought he'd run and jump up on his lap, but no. He went outside, did his business and came back in. Jason and I were petting him and he started to growl. The same way he always does when he feels he's in trouble. As I was petting him, I noticed his eye was all goopy. An eye infection, well, I was afraid to wipe it off because I didn't want to be bitten, so off to his kennel he headed with his goopy eye. I'll have to have a look at it in the morning when he's hopefully in a better mood.

So we are back to square one. I don't know what to do. I don't know if the next person that attempts to take him will be so understanding. I don't want to even allow anyone with kids to take him for any amount of time. I thought maybe a different environment might cut down on this alpha male problem I believe it is he has. I think he'd just be happy roaming freely, doing whatever he wants to do. Unfortunatly, I do not know where I would find such a place.

hard day

Today a young girl came to meet Crosby. It has been a few weeks since I posted the ad to give him up. We recieved a number or responses to the ad because he is a cutie! I had to continuously tell people not to be fooled by appearances, he is a bit of a grump. I really want to find him the right home but at the same time I don't want to give him up.

This girl, I'd say around 18 or so, is moving out on her own and would like someone to keep her company. She came by to meet Crosby and of course he barked like crazy at her when she ran the door bell. After a minute, he calmed down and licked her to death. We chatted briefly and we decided that she would take him for the weekend and we'd talk Sunday night and see how it all goes. I sent her a couple of his toys, his kennel and some food. That's it, everything else is still here. He has a lot of stuff. One year my mom and sister thought they each needed to buy him one of those puppy stockings that has like 6 or 7 toys in each. Well, he doesn't destroy toys like some dogs, so he has a lot of toys!

I felt very relieved as I'm sure things will go fine for Crosby this weekend but I am also very sad right now. I only got her first name and phone number but I'm having crazy thoughts that she gave me a fake number something and that I'll never see him again. I'm sure that's not the case. She seemed really nice and hopefully she'll give him the attention he deserves. It was really weird coming home from supper and not having him greet us at the door and that will get more real as time goes on, should she decide to keep him.

Ashton isn't sure of what's going on. We have told him that we need to find a new home for Crosby because he is to mean to us sometimes. He doesn't not like that idea at all. Today when she was here to meet Crosby, we told Ashton that Crosby was going to go to stay with her for the weekend. His response was "but not forever". It will be hard for him at first but I think he'll be fine.

Needless to say I am a bit emotional right now. I know it is for the best and I will be ok soon enough

cold meds

Is cold medicine really that good for you?

I wonder this today as I may be a bit high from it as I write this. Sunday night I went to bed with a bit of a sore throat. Not big deal, I normally just wait it out but on Monday I decided to buy some Halls just to soothe my throat a little. I am beginning to think the Halls are the reason my cold got worse today. It seems the last few times I had a sore throat, if I popped a cold Fx twice/day as directed, that sore throat was gone and nothing more came of the cold, but each time that I had a Halls cough drop, my cold got worse and turned into a head cold. This makes me wonder, is it the Halls that are causing the cold?

I went to bed last night with a phlemmy throat and a headache. I thought the headache was just because I was tired and normally I can sleep it off but last night I just couldn't shake it. My throat was dry and my head was killing me. It felt like my head was about to explode! It went on like that all night.

When I got up this morning, I didn't think I'd make it through the day without some help. I remember taking some cold and sinus stuff one time and it seemed to really help so I hoped we'd still have some in the cupboard. We did not. All we had was 2 loose capsules of sudafed cold and cough. It was labelled on the back of the pills or I wouldn't have taken them. I thought I'd try it out. I would normally only take 1 but today, it really hurt, so I went for 2 right off the start.

Within 1/2 an hour, I started to feel dizzy! If I was sitting still I was fine but as soon as I'd stand up, I felt like I was going to fall over. I also started to feel sick. Thank goodness my kids were cooperative today, they played really well together while I sat and tried to overcome my side effects. When I tried to eat something, my tongue felt numb which sometimes happens to me when I've had too much to drink. It was weird. I felt like I was on the gas they gave me during my labour with Brayden. I didn't like that feeling. I prefered the pain of labour to that uncontrolable dizzy, nauseous feeling.

That was me all over again this morning. There is always a warning on the label (or at least there would have been if I had the box!) that says do not operate heavy machinary but it should say "do not take care of small children". I figured that 4 hours later, the effect should wear off. It was a little longer than that but now I'm stuffed up again, I am debating which is worse. I may have to make a run to the drug store later.

what's on my mind, are you sure you want to know?

I have too much on the go right now. Just thought I'd share with you.

#1 - Finding a new home for my dog - this was not an easy decision but as you know, he is not good with the kids and I am not willing to put in the time it would require to retrain him and even if I did, there is no guarentee that I would work.

I have put an ad on ebrandon, our local website, and I have actually gotten a lot of response. All I wrote was I have to give him up because he is not good with children. Some of the people are probably just seeing a picture of a cute dog and thinking, "oh that would be so much fun". I am being completely honest with people, I will not say he is a good dog. I do believe he just needs a new environment, one that is a little bit more calm. Ashton is far to hyper and Brayden will be there soon too. My stomach was in knots last weekend at the thought of him meeting a possible new family. I had one lady that I spoke with on the phone last Saturday, she had planned to come on Sunday to meet him. She never called and hasn't responded to my emails since then. Then one other lady, I emailed back and forth with her for a day and then Monday she was going to call me to set up a time. She sounded really interested. I called there after supper Monday to leave my cell number with her husband because we were going out. I didn't recieve a call when we were out and there was no message on the home phone when we got back. I checked my email and apparently her husband was not on board with getting another dog. She really didn't think he'd have a problem with it. So that didn't work out.

Too bad. That's the only serious interest I've had. I really want to find him a new home before the end of the month but at the same time, I don't want to give him to just anyone. If he goes to a new home and they decide they don't like his temperament, you never know where he'll end up because they won't have the same attachment to him as we do.

#2 - finding a job - things aren't looking promising. I am due back to work in 2 weeks and I have sent out 10 resumes. I have only heard back from 2 of those jobs so there is still a possibility but the reality of going back to Herbal Magic is slowly coming to be.

I am trying to convince myself that it won't be so bad. The biggest reason is financially. I will be making less/hr than I am now (if I only worked 8 hours/day right now lol) and I will be adding $1000/month in daycare costs. I'm not a math whiz but that does not equal having enough money to pay bills. I was going to try to get more money out of them, like asking about being assistant manager or something (since I stepped down from the manager position before I left, I am not entitled to that back) but I don't think I'd have a case because they know I don't want to be there. That is partly what I dread, them knowing I'm only there because I have to be. I can see them treating me even worse than they did before. That's just how my supervisor rolls. She is not a nice person.

I am still very hopeful that something good comes up in the next couple weeks. I am going to go and chat with the current manager next week to try to work out something on my behalf.

#3 - soccer - part of my reason for wanting a stictly day job is because of soccer. I know, I should have other priorities but soccer is a huge priority to me. It's the one thing I have left that is all mine, not my kids, not my husband, just me. I know I won't be able to play it forever so I need to play it while I can. Plus, that amount of exercise is crutial in keeping my weight off in the summer (or in this case, maybe getting an extra 5 lbs off me)

We are starting a new team this year so that makes things a bit more complicated. In order to decide on the number of players to allow on our team, we need to know the commitment level of each player. I do not know mine due to the work situation. I am also in charge of the money for the team so I have to start hunting down money so I can pay for things when they come due. I don't know half the people on my team so that makes it even harder.

Ashton is also playing soccer this year. He will play on Monday and Wednesday nights and I will play on Tuesday and Thursday nights. At first I was excited about that but then I realized if I'm back to HM, I will have to work til 7:30 a couple days/week and so I will have to choose between missing his games or my games. Again, good reason to have a day job. I will have to work something out with Jason, hopefully I can take him one night and Jason can take him another night and I won't have to miss too many of my games.

Did I mention I love soccer?

#4 - spring cleaning - I really wanted to get something done in this house while I was off. I have not accomplished much. I did manage to take a good number of boxes to Value Village yesterday. That was good, but I'm no where near done organizing. I'm also going to be losing 8 hours/day to do that when I get back to work.

I would also like to do some painting. We have been here for 2 years this July and we have only redone Ashton's room. That's it. I don't mind painting, and it's not really that expensive either, I just don't know what colors to do. I am not crafty like that. I went to an Uppercase Living party the other day. I ordered 2 slogans to put on my walls. One is for Ashton's room. I had to order it, it was so him. It says "Boy, n: a noise with dirt on it" I couldn't resisit. I also ordered one for the livingroom. I didn't know what color to get it in because our walls all over the house are cream colored. I decided I'd paint my one wall red (or some form of it) as I have black curtains and I like black, red and white together. I ordered the saying in black and white so now I have to paint that wall or I won't be able to put it up. I also bought a new shower curtain a short time ago. It has black, blue and cream colored spots on it, so I am thinking of painting some of the walls in the bathroom blue. I just have to get at it. I think I will do that next week when I take the boys for their day at daycare.

#5 - Brayden's birthday - it's coming up quick and I am trying to have a birthday party for him. A big one like I had for Ashton's first with some extended family from both sides. I am having a heck of a time finding a weekend that my mom is off and Jason's mom is off too. Plus Jason's sister doesn't want to come out the weekend after Easter because it's too much. I say poo on her. lol

I found out a couple days ago that Jason's step brother, his wife and their 3 kids will actually be out the weekend of May 7th for their son's hockey tourney (they live in Saskatoon) so I might try that weekend cause that would be great if they could be here too. My mom is off that weekend and Jason's mom was already going to try to get it off for them to come. That would work great. Except when we come back to this work thing. What if they won't give me that weekend off? Oh I hope they do, that would be one less thing to worry about.

#6 - weight loss - that has been weighing on my mind a lot. I am happier than I was, that is for sure, but I know if I could just buckle down and do it, I could lose 5 more lbs. I do want to do it before I go back to work but I'm just not putting in any effort at all. I am still exercising 4 - 6 days/week but I am not cutting out enough bad stuff. I shouldn't let it bother me, but I think I'm using the excuse of all the other stuff I have going on as reasons not to worry about it right now. I should just suck it up.

Some of the other things are a bit more minor. We have not gotten our taxes done, we are running out of time!! I am hoping that there will be a big lump of money that we'll get back, that would really help us out right now, but with my luck and the way things have been going, we'll owe money or something like that. Maternity leave is great but they really don't take off a lot of taxes, so I really don't know.

We'd also like to go to Minot for May long weekend so I need to get passports for us, they take 2 weeks so again, running out of time. That brings us back to the work thing too, will they give me that weekend off? Oh if only I didn't have to work. Maybe winning the lottery would be the way to go. Any tips on that? I guess buying a ticket would be the first step.

I wonder how I am going to do it when I go back to work. Even the things that I have got figured out, like making supper everyday, getting dishes done, doing laundry and things like that. How do all you super moms do it? I guess I will have to figure it out, too bad there isn't a manual or something.

Ashton's first movie

I decided to try and take Ashton to his first movie this weekend. We have waited a very long time to take him because he is a very hyper kid and I really didn't believe he'd sit through an entire movie and not talk. He does lay on the couch downstairs and watch movies by himself quite often and that isn't a problem, but when he sits with us to watch a movie, he can't sit still or stop talking. There's just too much excitement when others are around.

On Friday I decided I would take a shot at this movie theatre thing. I checked what was playing and I thought he might enjoy HOP, the movie about the Easter bunny. I showed him the trailer and asked him if he'd like to go to the movie theater and see this movie. He was very excited about it. I don't think he really knew what a movie theatre was.

The movie was to begin at 1:20 on Saturday afternoon. I figured if we left by 1, that would give us plenty of time because it's only a 2 minute drive to the theatre from our house. I was wrong. It has been so long since I have been to the theatre, I forgot about a few things.

First, I decided to take a different route than I normally would. Thinking I was smart going around the traffic actually became sitting in the traffic. I guess you can't really call it traffic but I wanted to turn north onto 18th street past the theatre and there were a lot of vehicles coming into town. I waited there for what felt like forever!

Once we finally got to the theatre, the office that sells tickets was closed, so I couldn't just go there and say "two for HOP please", instead I had to do the machine that had a lot of different options and I was all worried I'd push the wrong button so I was kind of slow. Once we have our tickets, I look at the line up for the popcorn. Yep, forgot about line ups. I promised Ashton that we'd get popcorn because I wanted to give him the full theatre experience for his first time. When we were kids, we hardly ever had a treat when we went to the theatre, well I shouldn't say we didn't have a treat, we did, we just didn't buy a treat at the theatre. Mom always snuck food in for us. lol Good times. Anyway, we get in line for popcorn and I realize that I drank a lot of water while I was running on the treadmill just before so I figured I'd better go to the bathroom again so the 2 of us left the line and went to the bathroom.

Back to the line up. It didn't take too long but by this time, it was already 1:20. No big deal, there will be lots of previews, we won't miss anything. Guess what else I forgot? We went into the theatre and sure enough the previews were playing and what I forgot is the lights would be out already. This wouldn't have been a big deal if the theatre wasn't already almost full. I scanned the seats to see if I could see 2 seats together anywhere. We went to the top and there were 2 seats but they were right behind the wall that is above the entrance so Ashton couldn't seen over it. I stood there at the top of the theatre, scanning the seats to see what I could find. Finally a lady across from these 2 seats asks me if I would like her to move over one with her daughter, leaving an open seat in the isle for Ashton and there was a seat up behind him as well. I thanked her as it was very nice of her to offer. I'm not sure why everyone is so scared of the people next to them that they think they need to leave a seat in between everyone.

I sat Ashton in that seat, gave him his popcorn, which we were supposed to share and I saved room for after lunch, but would not get any now, and told him I'd be sitting right behind him if he needed anything. He sat so nicely and ate his popcorn watching the previews. Every once and a while I'd see his little arm sneak over and grab his drink. It was so cute. I was really upset that I couldn't sit beside him for his first movie to see his reactions but I guess it's my own fault for being late. I know better for next time.

After the movie started, I decided to sit on the steps next to him for a bit and share his popcorn. I was really hunger and I purposely went to the movies like that so I could have some popcorn. Plus, I didn't really want him to eat that much. lol I finished some of the popcorn, and went back up to my seat. Not long after that, Ashton turned around and came up to my seat. He sat down on my lap. He said he didn't want to sit there anymore because he couldn't see, which he obviously could. He sat on my lap and chatted with me a bit. I reminded him that he couldn't talk at the movies so he sat quietly, on my knee, for the rest of the movie. It wasn't that comfortable but I did understand he didn't want to sit by himself there.

When the movie was over, I discovered something that made me really mad. I was sitting beside 2 little girls, they were probably about 9 or so. Then there was an empty seat beside them and then a man was sitting in the corner by himself. I thought it was weird that this man had come to this movie alone, but to each their own. I realized after the movie, these girls started talking to him. It ended up being their dad. I was really upset at this point because he saw me sitting on the steps to sit with my little 3 year old and then saw this 3 year old sitting on my lap through 3/4 of the movie and he didn't have the decency to ask his girls to move over one seat and sit next to him so Ashton could have a seat?! That is just plain rude. I almost said something to him, if I'd realized he was with them earlier, I would have asked them to move over. I didn't want to make 2 little girls go sit by a strange man they didn't know.

That was an experience. What did I learn? First, Ashton can handle going to a movie, which is great because Jason doesn't like going to movies so now I have someone to go with (and it's an excuse to watch kids movies again lol). Second, go like 45 minutes early so you can get tickets, go pee, get popcorn and sit together

dog problem

This might be a tough week. We have unofficially decided we need to get rid of our dog. It is just not working anymore. I'm very torn. When we decided last night, I was happy about it because it is a stress that I don't need right now with everything else but then the more I thought about it, the more I wanted to cry.

The kids are going to be devistated! Ashton cries when I even mention giving Crosby away. Brayden LOVES the dog, he wants to pet him all the time and he follows him around going "caw, caw, caw" which when he says it sounds so much like Cros, that's what he's trying to say anyway. He is so full of smiles when he sees the dog.

The last couple weeks with Brayden on the move, I've had to keep Crosby locked up. I can't just put him in his kennel in the kitchen because Brayden will go over, stick his fingers in the kennel and get bitten. So I have to lock him in my room. I feel like it's a bit nicer than locking him in the kennel anyway because it gives him room to move around at least, but really, it's not fair to Crosby to have to be locked up all the time.

At least now that it's a bit nicer outside (with the exception of the heavy, wet snow yesterday), so he can go outside and he'll spend a lot of time out there, but that also leads up to our second problem, Barking. Anytime he thinks he hears something, he barks and barks, constantly. And being that it's nicer out, there are more people out too so that doesn't help the barking situation. He doesn't listen to stop, and when you go get him, he growls at you when you try to pick him up to bring him in. Then when you try to put him down when you get in, he snaps at you. This is not someone that I want around my kids, who don't always know how to be careful around him.

The only time the poor dog is not locked up is when Brayden is napping and that's only if he doesn't stand at the front door and bark at people walking by, which again, with the nice weather, means more people walking by. I do have a blanket tacked up over the door (it's a full window door) so he can't see, but sometimes he just sticks his head under the blanket, so off to the kennel again.

I try to leave him out when we are eating but he lingers under the table and if you move your feet and bump him, he bites your toes.

I know, you are all thinking, how do you still have this dog when he acts like this! We've had him for 5 1/2  years, he is still our pet and that's what makes it hard. As much as he makes me mad, I see how happy he makes the kids and I am worried about what we can do with him when he bites, who's going to want him?

I feel like I'm giving up on him because I could probably spend a bunch of money and spend hours training him but I just don't believe I'd put in that kind of time. I don't think I'd have the kind of time I need to change those habits, especially when I head back to work in a month. It feels like I'm giving up on him but I just don't see any other option right now. I am worried that we won't find anyone for him. Putting him down is not an option for me.

Another problem is that any time we want to go away, we have to find somewhere for him to go. Most of the time we take him to mom and dads but he's started being grumpy there too now and he snaps at them when they move if he's sleeping on their lap. He's always done that to us (well, for the last 4 or more years anyway) but he never used to do that to them. I think my dad is a bit irritated with that, not that he says that, I just kind of get that feeling. Mom always says its no problem to take him but I know it's a pain for them. If we don't go in that direction though, then we end up driving an extra 2 hours to take him there anyway. We've never put him in a kennel. I was against it when he was smaller because I felt bad. Now, what would the difference be from him being locked up here all the time, besides how much it costs.

Next step is figuring out what we are going to do with him. I might put an ad on ebrandon. I have to see if I can word it to let people know honestly how he behaves but not to sound like he's a horrible dog. If that doesn't work, I will have to contact Funds for Furry Friends. It's an organization here that finds homes for unwanted dogs. Next step is the humaine society. I don't want to do that. I'm torn. This isn't going to be easy.

I know down the line, we may want to get another dog, when the kids are bigger and know more of what they are doing. I know big dogs are a lot better with kids (generally anyway) but I just don't want a big dog. I loved our little lap dog and I know that his behavior is not all his fault. Obviously, just as it is with kids, they learn their behavior somewhere and I know we treated him too much like a baby rather than a dog when he was little and now he has attitude. So unless someone has a way for us to get a hold of Cesar Milan (the dog whisperer) then we will be dogless. :(

ticker

Updated my ticker today. I'm at 233 miles since the beginning of January.

To make it to 1000 miles this year, I should be at 250 to be on track so I'm only 17 miles behind. That's not as bad as I thought. I'm pretty happy with that.

I'm sure I'll get further behind this summer when I'm back to work and playing soccer. 2 of my runs will be replaced with soccer. I will still be running, obviously, but I won't be tracking it!

a toddler in the house again

Wow, I forgot what it was like to have a toddler! WOW! I can't say it enough. It all started last Monday night. I have know for the last month that he would start walking anytime. He walked around very easily with only one finger to hold, I knew that finger was not making a difference in his balance, but in his confidence. He'd squeeze that finger so tight because he knew my trick of slowly slipping it out of his grasp to make him walk on his own. That was the same thing Ashton did, and I'm sure all kids do when they are learning. As soon as I'd let go, he'd sit down.

This past weekend when we were out visiting my parents, he would walk a bit further each time he tried, mainly because I'd keep backing up. His problem was that as he got closer to me, he'd speed up and end up diving at me. That was all that was stopping him.

On Monday night he decided he didn't need to rush to finish off those last few steps, thus it begins.

He was still only walking solo if I put him down in the middle of the floor and left him there to fend for himself but by Thursday night it was a different story.

We were sitting on the couch watching TV. Brayden and Ashton were playing as usual. Brayden standing up at the coffee table, letting go to walk across to the couch. I got up to go to the kitchen and my little wood tick saw me leave and decided he'd join me. He scooted along the couch til he came to the edge, around the end of the arm of the couch, stops, lets go and starts heading to the kitchen. I couldn't believe it. Finally on his own free will, he left the comfort of the support of the couch and was off to catch mom! Until this time, he'd only walk to mom, if I put him down and said walk to daddy. He'd smile at Jason, make a complete turn and head back to me. He does very well at his turning considering he's only just begun walking.

There goes my relaxation time! Now, I put him down somewhere to play in the living room and next thing, he's up at the coffee table, over to the couch, rounds the corner and he's off! I think that first night I spend 45 minutes, just chasing him and bring him back. He was still a little tipsy (not drunk, don't worry), so I had to follow him incase he would lose his footing and fall over, hitting his head on whatever object might be close to him.

As of today, one week from the beginning of this adventure, I don't have to follow him anymore. He leaves the livingroom, does his tour of the kitchen, goes around to the front door and generally makes his way back to the livingroom. He's much more steady on his feet now. If he does happen to lose his balance, he usually sits down quite controlled. Still crying sometimes. I'm sure it really doesn't hurt that much to fall from a foot off the ground and land on that padding he wears on his bum.

I am enjoying his happiness, that's for sure. He is much more content now that he's moving. I have a little more baby-proofing to do but for the most part, he's safe. Just the water cooler! How do you stop that? I can't put it up or prevent him from pulling down the handle. At least the hot water has a safety switch. He does enjoy pulling down the cold onto his other hand thats hanging on to the stand. Then he looks at me and shows me his wet hand. It's hard not to laugh. It is very cute.

I was thinking that I don't remember doing this with Ashton, chasing him around the house, but then I realized it was because I was back to work before Ashton started walking and our house at the time was 1/2 the size of this one and you could reach him from the couch lol It is amazing to see what he can do. He still seems so small to me. It just doesn't seem right that he can walk around. He's got a personality developing. I am sad that in another month I will not be here to see everything he does all day long. I guess that's the hard thing about going back to work. It'll be good for both of us though

My silly boys

Does anyone else have trouble getting both kids to smile at the same time? Especially when you can't ask a baby to smile, you have to get the older one to smile and just hold it there, point the camera and really hope the baby smiles before everyone gets tired of waiting. This is usually what we end up with.

We really do feed Brayden! I swear! It doesn't look like it, I know. No wonder Ashton is so skinny, he doesn't get to finish his meals!

Favorite shows

Ok, I need to write something, I have nothing to say so I thought you would all like to know what shows I like to watch. These are the ones I have set up to record every episode:
1. Ellen
2. How I met your Mother
3. Mad Love
4. Mike & Molly
5. Survivor
6. Cougar Town
7. Modern Family
8. Mr. Sunshine
9. Big Bang Theory
10. Rules of Engagement
11. The Amazing Race
12. Undercover Boss
13. Celebrity Apprentice


I know, it's a lot and that is 14 hours of TV every week. Then there are shows like Minute to Win it, Wipeout, What would you do? to name a few, I also enjoy these shows but they are not important enough to have them set up as series recordings. If I didn't have a DVR (which I just got last summer), I would not be recording all these programs. I have to record though, I can not watch anything when the kids are up! NOTHING, they are very loud. I don't even try.

I'm sure you all wanted to know this. It's very interesting. I'd be interested to see what you all watch.

now's my chance

Ok, both kids are in bed right now. One just went, the other has been there for almost 2 hours, so I do not know how long I have, lets see if I have anything to say.

Life has been pretty crazy here lately. Ashton is as wild as ever! I don't think he knows what an indoor voice is! I hope it's just attention seeking, that I can deal with. I am thinking once he's back in daycare and has other kids to play with, he'll calm down a bit.

Brayden, well, he's on the move. Yep, he's walking! I didn't think it would be long the way he was going this past weekend. We were just getting used to the crawling thing. He only stopped doing the army crawl like 2 or 3 weeks ago! He was starting to enjoy his freedom. As was I! Until this last couple weeks, I felt like he was a wood tick, stuck to me at all times! Once the crawling started, the separation grew a little bit, now that he's walking, it's amazing the difference.

I'm so proud of him. He just seems so small to be walking. He is about a month and half younger than Ashton was when he started walking. Ashton was a couple weeks past his first birthday, Brayden will be 11 months on Monday. Plus Brayden is smaller than Ashton was, weight and height! He's not puny or anything. I still have people say he's a big boy but he is smaller than Ashton.

He's growing up so fast. I have started introducing homo milk into his formula, 1 oz at a time to hopefully be done with formula (and the cost of it!!) soon. I am excited to think that I will soon be able to turn his car seat around! It'll be great to be able to see him when I look back rather than depending on Ashton's description of what Brayden is doing.

Speaking of car seats, I am also looking forward to switching Ashton to a booster seat. It is a pain having to get Ashton in the car, run around to the other side, put Brayden in, buckle him up, go back around to Ashton's side, buckle him up, then back around to get into drive. Now, arrive at my destination, repeat above in reverse! I think it'll be so much better once winter is gone and I'm not trying to squeeze those winter jackets in too! That makes it worse!

The reality of going back to work is really starting to sink in. There are days when I can't wait, and other days where I can't imagine being away from the boys that much. I am keeping my fingers crossed that I find a job that coordinates with my family life a little better than Herbal Magic did. Well, almost anything will coordinate better than being manager at HM! That schedule was not made for a person with a family!

Funny how I really have nothing to say now that I have time to write. I guess I'll just have to hope to find some time again. I also shouldn't be blogging anyway, since I have to get my resume adjusted and get applying. I stopped by HM to visit a couple of the girls I used to work with. The girl who is manager now told me that Fatima (that was my supervisor) needs a letter of intent from me, basically stating my intent to return or not. I think that is something Fatima made up to find out what my plans are rather than just asking me. I don't plan to write a letter of intent. I think if she wants to know, she can contact me herself! She hasn't contacted me once in the whole year I've been off. Show some interest! lol I told the manager that she could tell Fatima that I am due back the first week of May and as of right now, I do not have another job so I will be returning. That is the truth as I know it right now. It is not lying to them. I didn't have to say that I've applied else where or that I plan to. It is none of their business. I think all I have to give is 2 weeks notice, just like any job you leave.  I could be wrong. I have sent a message to my sister-in-law who has a degree in human resource, she'll know, and if she doesn't, she'll probably look it up for me. then I can just be lazy.

been awhile

I think I need to put a little more effort into my blog! lol been awhile since I've written. Lots has happened but it's hard to sit and write. Like right now, I need to get the dishes done and hit the shower before Brayden wakes up. I am debating which to do first. That lead me to the computer.

Maybe I'll take some time later and actually write something important, being that I have 3 followers now. Welcome Nikki, not sure if you know how to come back and actually read anything now that you have signed up but that's ok.

more job stuff

As you can tell, finding a job is weighing heavily on my mind these days.

I went to the career symposium last night to see if I could get some ideas. Well, I talked to a physiotherapist there and I got some good and bad news.

Good news, they just changed the program to a masters, meaning I only have to go for 2 more years because I have a bachelor degree already. I also only need to take 2 courses, bio and english to have all the prerequisits and both can be taken through U of M distance education. I can't apply for the program until December of this year (classes start Sept 2012) so I'd have time to complete these 2 courses. Plus by then, Jason is done his apprenticeship and will be an electrician so he'll be making decent money. I also have to have a GPA of 3.2, mine isn't quite there but close so with these courses, I could hopefully pull it up.

Now, the bad news. The masters program is 2 years, no breaks, not even summer. Just a Christmas break and one week in the spring. I could handle that, but, the course is only offered in Winnipeg, so I'd either have to drive there EVERYDAY or move there. Neither are options at this time. Not with a family.

I guess I will have to keep looking and maybe eventually this course will be offered in Brandon. It's disappointing but also good to know where things are at. I will have to keep looking and maybe I'll find something else interests me.

now what?

Got some bad news yesterday on the job front. Kind of bummed me out.

A few weeks ago I had recieved some exciting news about a job I was hoping for. It's a physiotherapists assistant. I had mentioned to a girl on my soccer team (who is a physiotherapist) last summer that I was interested in doing something like that when I went back to work and she said she'd let me know if they had any positions come up.

I didn't really expect to hear from her because I only played 2 games of soccer last summer and she was new to the team so I didn't think she'd even remember me but she did and she sent me a message a few weeks ago and told me that one of their assistants was going on maternity leave. She said she wasn't sure if they'd be filling the position but she had a strong suspicion they would be and was wondering if I was still interested. She said the owners are a bit slow but she figured they'd be posting the position in the next few weeks and she could mention me if I wanted.

I was very excited. I have been really interested in the field of physio since I took anatomy and physiology like 6 years ago and aced it. It's a class most fail but I was so interested in the muscles etc that I got an A+ first term and an A second term. Every since then I have been thinking about going into physio. I had actually applied there before I started at Herbal Magic and ended up not getting the position because the other girl had more secretary experience than I did. I found this out because the lady that interviewed me ended up joining herbal magic some time later and she remembered me. It wasn't long after that she actually offered me a job there but at the time, I was making good money and was unable to take the pay cut. Looking back I kind of wonder where I'd be now if I had gone. I still think I made the right choice.

The reason I want to do this assistant position is because I am not a book learner. I did ok in school but I had to work really hard for it. I would love to get some on the job experience before I go to school. I think that would make school a lot easier, not to mention that I could see if it is what I think it is before I end up going to school and not wanting to do the job. This happened to me before. I was registered to take psychiatric nursing a few years ago and I ended up withdrawing from the program after I encountered an attempted suicide with one of my clients I was working with as a mental health proctor. It was not something I thought I could handle on a regular basis. So, back to square one.

I've still thought about getting into physio, but I was making really good money at Herbal Magic and that makes it really hard to change. I wouldn't have the house or the vehicle I have now if it weren't for my position there for the last 6 years. Things have changed. Now, I am not the manager, as I stepped down before I left, so I'd be making barely more than minimum wage. I have figured out that I can't go back to work and make what I was making before I left or I won't even be able to keep up financially. Throwing $1000/month in daycare kind of puts a damper on the finances! This job seemed like a great opportunity.

Well, the "dream" came to an end yesterday when the girl from soccer emailed me and said they have decided not to hire for that position right now but she'd let me know if they did again in the future. I know that I didn't actually have the job or anything but it still kind of feels like I was fired. Now I am back to not having any idea what I'll be doing in 2 months. It's kind of scary. It's hard to make plans for the summer when you have no idea what kind of hours I'll be doing or what kind of money I'll be making. Guess I just have to wait and see.

ticker

Thought I'd add a ticker and keep track of how far I run. I really have no idea if I'll really run 1000 miles this year but that's ok. I just thought it was a neat idea.

where to go from here?

With only 2 1/2 months left on mat leave, it is time to start thinking about what I'm going to be when I grow up. I do not want to return to Herbal Magic, I want to work for a company that appreciates me. After 9 months away from there, you almost forget how bad it was getting, until you start to talk about it with former co-workers and it all comes screaming back!

I used to love my job at Herbal Magic, back before I had Ashton, it was the best job I'd ever had. I had great co-workers, and alright boss and the owners treated us with respect and rewarded us for our efforts. Things have changed. Right before I left there, a new owner took over. He seemed alright at the time but as time went by, I began to learn things are not always what they seem. As my first maternity leave with Ashton neared an end, I was approached by my former supervisor to take over as manager of the Brandon clinic, at the time, it was the biggest clinic in all of Canada, it would be a big responsibility but I knew I could do it. I accepted the position and for the next 2 years, I was the boss, or so I thought.

A lot of changes have occured since I took that position, and not changes for the better. I went through 2 different supervisors, both of which thought scare tactics and empty threats were the way to motivate us to do a better job. They refused to believe that the economy and competition were reasons for our decline in sales. I kept the clinic at relatively the same sales and client count the whole 2 years I was there, some ups and downs, but for the most part, it was there. It was a challenge, but I loved it.

Last summer, I was written up for not hitting my sales quotas. Something I don't believe is fair because there is really no way to force people to spend their money. My job was to help people lose weight and as time went on, it became more about the money than my clients, not something I was happy about. I recieved this "corrective action" as they called it, the day before I went on holidays in August. It was a good thing and a bad thing at the same time. I was mad that they would send me on holidays after that but I was also happy to have the week away from there to just have a break!

At the end of this holiday week, I found out I was pregnant. I couldn't be happier, this meant that I only have 8 more months that I'd have to deal with this before I was out of there for a year!! It made going back after holidays a little easier, mentally anyway. As the physical aspects of pregnancy started to kick in, it made my job more and more difficult. The girls I worked with directly, the ones I call my friends, knew about my pregnancy at this time but I was not ready to tell my supervisor or other bosses. Therefore, I was still being treated very poorly and was finding it harder and harder to keep up with the expectations they had of me (which I have now come to realize were unrealistic and will never be met by ANYONE, but that's another story).

As the next few months passed, I took a second paycut, now making this once great paying job, hardly worth the trouble. With Christmas people were just not spending money the way they used to and the New Year fell short of expectations for the company. I was now making less than my staff, barely more than minimum wage, and still all the same expectations. On top of my 45 hour weeks that were already manditory, I was expected to work more hours of overtime and of course, not get paid for them because I was on salary. My assistant was off sick for a month so it was all on me. At this time I decided to step down as manager. I figured out that I'd be making more money as a regular staff member, so I made the move.

The next 2 months were terrible. Not a day went by that I didn't think about stress leave! Finally at the end of March, I'd had enough and I decided to start my mat leave sooner than originally planned. I was lectured that I didn't give enough notice, eventhough they'd known since October that I was leaving in April and had decided not to hire a new manager, so really, that isn't not my problem!

Now I sit here, with 2 1/2 months left and wonder what I will do with my life. The job I once loved is no longer there, and I don't think it ever will be. It's scary to think about starting your business life over at 30 but it has to be done. There are things I'm interested in but not sure I could do it. I also have a family now that I need to be my priority. I don't want to work a job that requires me to be away from them all the time. Staying home is not an option. Both financially and personally. I do love spending time with my kids but I'm just not stay-at-home-mom material. I have such appreciation for moms who stay home with their children all the time. It is a hard job! Ideally I would love to find a job I love and do it part time, that way I'd still have lots of time with my boys but I'd still have something just for me. In a perfect world, I will find that job, it may not be right away but soon. Even though 30 may seem old, it still means I have 35 years left to work so it would be nice to enjoy my job right?

There is more I wanted to add to this but I think it's long enough, I'll have to save my other news for the next blog. The next time I have 15 minutes to myself to actually write about it.

homemade gifts

I finally got some pictures loaded onto the computer off my camera. Here are the other things I made for Christmas this year

Stepping Stone for my mother-in-law

The snuggie I made for my niece, I made it a bit big but that way it'll last longer and cover her up better

second child

I almost have a crawler! I was beginning to think he would NEVER crawl but then Monday, he started to push himself forward with his toes while on his belly, then yesterday he started to get his one knee bent and would push a bit with it while on his elbows, today we are getting both knees going but still on his elbows. He is getting where he wants to go and is not getting as frustrated so hopefully if he keeps working on it today, he'll get it figured out and be much happier overall.

It is bitter sweet though, I will have to be much more careful about how long I leave him lying on the floor when I go to do something because who knows where he'll end up. not to mention keeping all the small toys and things out of reach! And making sure Ashton does the same.

Ashton never crawled so this is new to me. I feel like a new mom right now. I've noticed I'm a little slack with trying to teach things to Brayden. With Ashton I was always trying to get him to do new things but now I just let him do what he wants to do when he wants to do it. Its funny how we are so different with our second children, or is it just me? Not that I don't love him just as much, I just think you look less at what the book says and just let life happen. I'm not nearly as paranoid with the think he does. I let him cry more and I'm not as stressed out. Maybe I should have more? By the time I get to 4 like you Tif, those kids will practically raise themselves around here! lol jk, not having anymore!!!!!!!!

Happy boy

The last couple days in the house have been so much better. The kids have been a bit tough on me lately. This is my "woe is me" speach. But yesterday and today have been great.

Ashton hasn't had any meltdowns, he's been listening so much better. It sure makes things easier and he is so much happier too!

Brayden has actually sat on the floor and played by himself and is not screaming everytime I leave the room. Last night he even went downstairs with Jason and Ashton to play hockey while I cleaned up. It was so nice. He's been sleeping until like 5 or 6 am, having his bottle and going back to bed til 8 or so. That means more sleep for me too.

Today Brayden is extremely happy. I tried to put him down for a nap this morning. He was chatting away, which he usually does before going to sleep, normally I wait until he goes to sleep before getting on the treadmill but I figured I was safe to go. When I came up more than half hour later, he was still chatting! I guess nap isn't happening right now. I had a quick shower and went to get him. He was in there for like and hour and a half, happy as can be. When I went in, he started his little giggle, it's too funny and he's been doing it almost none stop since then. I LOVE THIS.

I just want my kids to be happy. I know we're going to have bad days but it has just seemed like lately, that's all we've had. It's so nice to have happy days. I guess I'll enjoy this until the next tooth comes in. Then we may be regressing! lol

House cleaning plan

Have I mentioned that I hate house cleaning? Well, I do, and even when I get motivated to do it, there is always a kid that needs the attention first. So I have a new plan . . .

I am going to just work on one room at a time. One day at a time. I have started in my bedroom this morning already. I can hopefully finish it today and then tomorrow I can move on to Brayden's room. I want to do EVERYTHING that needs to be done in there, even mop the floor. My room is a disaster. I find that I am continuously having to tidy/clean the kitchen and livingroom because that is what people see so my room, I can't even explain it! There are piles of clothes everywhere, most of them don't fit but I haven't gotten to trying things on so I can get rid of the one that are too big and put the ones that are too small away for a bit. I also need to go through my dressers, and closet! I still have shorts in my dresser, not only is it not summer, there is also no chance that I'd be able to keep them up because they are from just after having Brayden.

I figure if I do one room each day, then just keep repeating the cycle, then I won't have to spend so much time cleaning on one day, it'll just be a little each time. I may have to spend 2 days on some rooms the first time around because they've been neglected to say the least. Hopefully this will work and my house will actually look clean and organized for once. It's great having a bigger house, so much more storage, but it's also so much more to clean and you tend to keep more stuff you don't need because you have room for it. We are slowly running out of room and I'm not about to move to a bigger house any time soon.

coincidence?

Here is a weird thought, or maybe not?

Ashton is a bugger when it comes to meals, I've mentioned that before. I have pretty much given up on trying to get him to eat things I know he will not eat. The think that makes me REALLY mad is when he won't eat things I know he likes. Something that he ate like 3 bowl fulls the night before.

I think we're pretty lenient when it comes to this. Yesterday I made a nice chicken, just a small one, with stuffing, mashed potatoes, carrots and gravy. I know he doesn't eat chicken, eventhough he likes it when he does, but he LOVES stuffing and carrots. He asked me before supper for just potatoes, which is weird cause he is hit and miss with potatoes, but I gave him mostly potatoes and then told him he had to have some stuffing and a few carrots, because I KNOW he likes them. Well, he ended up eating his stuffing and one carrot and refused to eat his potatoes. SO ANNOYING!

I told him if he didn't eat, he couldn't go to the Wheat King game with Jason that night. I was sure that would get him to eat. I even tried the "just 10 more bites" thing, still nothing. So I told him no bedtime snack if he didn't eat. Still wouldn't eat.

So instead of fighting with him, I just left his plate on the table so he could have it for a snack when he asked for one later anyway, didn't let him go to the Wheat King game and he had no other snack. He went to bed at 7:30 without a fight because he was way overtired. He slept great, until 6am when he came to my room wanting a drink of water. I would imagine he was starving because he didn't eat supper and I'm pretty sure he ate salad for lunch with me. I gave him his water and sent him back to bed.

he didn't go to sleep. He layed there awhile then came back to my room. I let him go watch cartoons and went back to bed. He kep coming and waking me up, not even because he wanted breakfast, he just wanted to wine at me. So at 7:30 I got up and sat on the couch, figured I'd catch up on computer time since Jason and Brayden were still in bed.

He comes the weird part. I went to get Ashton a glass of water and when I came back, he's laying on the couch, crying and throwing up. Didn't even bother to sit up, just layed there and let chunky white stuff (sorry), which I guess to be his milk he'd just drank, come out of his mouth. Gross!

This is the second time that we've sent him to bed without supper and he has got up sick. The last time he was throwing up all night and was fine by morning. This time it started later and after I finally convinced him to eat some crackers, he was fine. There has only been one other time that he went to bed with no supper and no snack that he didn't get sick. I can't imagine that he is getting sick from being hungry? It has to be coincidence, right? It makes me scared to not let him eat. But what else am I supposed to do, I already feel like I'm doing special orders to make sure there is something that he'll eat at supper time. I hope this picky eater thing goes away sooner than later!

only one more day

I have not been here for a long time, finally got a free minute so here's what I've been up to.
I have enjoyed the holidays but I have to say, I am looking forward to Jason going back to school on Monday. He's been off since the 23rd. I thought we might kill each other as we've never spent that much time together. Surprisingly, we made it through, so far, there is still one day to go.

Yes, I love him but his patience is not his best attribute! He becomes easily and very upset which then just adds more stress to me too. I've been dealing with the typical parenting issues the last couple weeks, or at lesat I would think they are typical. Children can really put stress on the marriage!

The kids have been sick so they are not themselves. That makes it so much harder! Especially when Brayden won't go to anyone besides me. I thought we'd passed that stage but apparently we have not. I'm not sure if it's his cold that he's had for a couple weeks or the fact that his teeth are finally coming in or if it's just because he isn't getting around like I can see he wants to, but whatever it is, I just want him to be the extremely happy kid I know he can be.

My routine has been out of whack with Jason here too. Normally I get up in the morning and check my email, facebook etc and then if I have a chance I'll have a look at a later time in the day. Well it hasn't been that way for the last two weeks and it's driving me crazy. Now, when I get up, I'm looking after the kids. Get them fed and then Brayden hasn't been letting me put him down for any length of time lately so I am pretty well booked until he goes for a nap just before lunch. Then I'd normally get on the treadmill and make lunch when I was done but with Jason home, I end up having to make him lunch first because for some odd reason he doesn't eat breakfast when he's off? I don't understand it, the rest of us still eat breakfast, so I'm not sure why he doesn't because then he's starving by lunch time. It's weird. If I end up making lunch and cleaning it up before I get on the treadmill, I often miss my opportunity. I hate waiting until the afternoon, that means hanging out in my PJ's all day and not having a shower and I feel gross until I can have a shower. Plus, during Brayden's afternoon nap, I like to either get something ready for supper, or catch up on Ellen that I recorded earlier in the day.

Now onto Ellen. I am WAY behind, I have finally watched Monday's show, it took me about 4 attempts, piece by piece, I finally finished it. I know it's really no big deal, but I really love watching Ellen, she always puts a smile on my face even on an otherwise trying day.

I am really looking forward to Monday! I hope that will help me get something done around here. I have some new Years resolution plans I'd like to work on as far as cleaning my house. We'll see if it's just wishful thinking. I used to think things would be easier if I had Jason here to help with the kids. I admitt, sometimes it is, but not for 17 days in a row! :)

What is that smell?

Have you ever opened your fridge and become overwhelmed with an arroma that is less than pleasing?

Well, that happened to me a few days ago. I knew I didn't have anything old and moldy in there because I look through it often but that smell, I can't even explain it! I figured I'd go through it again and just make sure there wasn't something I missed. I threw out all the leftovers even if they were only a couple days old, none of them smelled bad, but I was desparate.

Didn't work.

Jason and I decide then to take EVERYTHING out of the fridge and clean the whole think in case there was something spilled somewhere that was causing the odour. Once we finished that task, it seemed to be better, but still it smelled.

We begin to worry. A few months ago, we had a minor mouse problem in that we caught 5 mice in 3 days so we started to wonder if one had gotten into the back of the fridge and died and the stench was blowing into the fridge through the fan, so Jason pulled the fridge out, vaccuum it out in the back washed everything that could be washed and still it smelled.

We really didn't know where to go from here. How could our fridge still smell? I put some baking soda in a little container and put it in there too. I sprayed it down inside with a lovely febreeze sented spray and it still smelled.

Worst part, we had invited people over for New Year's eve and I was so worried, they'd pass out from the smell, that it might be worse to other people because we had become used to it, so I went out and bought a nicely scented candle and fired that up hoping to hide the stink.

As I prepared the food I'd be serving that evening, I just kept thinking how awful it would be for someone else to smell that fridge. I pulled all my veggies out of the crisper and began cutting them up. When I opened the bag of cauliflower that I'd purchased only a few days ago, the scent jumped out at me! Could this be it? It shouldn't be, it was not old, nor was it moldy. I  had used it in a stir fry just a couple days prior, but I thought maybe I'd found my culprit.

I took that bag over to Jason for a second opinion as I have a terrible cold and my sence of smell may be altered. I asked him if this is the smell, he said, "it doesn't smell good". I tossed that cauliflower in the garbage and promptly removed it from the premisis.

As I continued to prepare the rest of my food for the evenings festivities, I enjoyed a sweet smell of my new candle (that was supposed to be a gift for my Christmas gathering at my Grandma's house on Sunday). I just kept saying, "I'm so happy we got rid of that smell!"

What a happy New year! :)